12 June, 2008

Religion

At dinner one night, my dad asked me if I believe in God. A girl who use to be a Sunday School leader is now unsure of how to answer this question.

Do I believe in God? As I grow and learn more about people, society, history, and the world, more and more evidence has appeared on the subject of religion. How do I know what to trust and what not to?

Sure, I believe in a higher power. I believe that there are things in the world that is out of my control. I believe that someone is in charge of everything. I also believe that everything happens for a reason, good or bad. We don't always know what that reason is, but there always is one.

There are psychological research done on epilepsy and how it is related to religious beliefs. I know that The Da Vinci Code is fictional, but it makes people unsure of what's really there. It makes me wonder if the Christian religion actually exists.

When I heard the song Doubting Thomas by Nickle Creek, I felt so connected to it. Almost like it was exactly how I felt. Especially the bridge. "Can I be used to help others find truth when I'm scared I'll find proof that it's a lie? Can I be led down a trail dropping breadcrumbs to proof I'm not ready to die?" And the chorus "I'm a doubting Thomas, I can't keep my promises, cause I don't know what's safe. Oh me of little faith."

Oh, me of little faith. I want to have faith, but I don't know what I can and cannot believe. How do I ever know what's real and what's not? How do I decide? Or is that just what faith is, to believe something even without proof of it's actual existance? To trust, to worship?

10 June, 2008

Doubting Thomas

What will be left when I've drawn my last breath
Besides the folks I've met and the folks who've known me
Will I discover a soul-saving love
Or just the dirt above and below me

I'm a doubting Thomas
I took a promise
But I do not feel safe
Oh me of little faith

Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face
Then I beg to be spared cause I'm a coward
If there's a master of death
I bet he's holding his breath
As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power

I'm a doubting Thomas
I can't keep my promises
Cause I don't know what's safe
Oh me of little faith

Can I be use to help others find truth
When I'm scared I'll find proof that it's a lie
Can I be led down a trail dropping bread crumbs
That prove I'm not ready to die

Please give me time to decipher the signs
Please forgive me for time that I've wasted

I'm a doubting Thomas
I'll take your promise
Though I know nothing's safe
Oh me of little faith